Things

My cable is out for no reason, and the only thing I can find on Netflix to watch is The Last Song, so I can't watch any shows or movies right now. My attention span when rated on a scale of 1-10 is 3, so I can't read The Magician's Nephew, like I've wanted to do for a week (I'm on page 13). So. I will write something that is hopefully semi-amusing.


As most of you should know, I am a Creative Writing major. I like to write things. When I write things that are graded, they have a lot better structure, there are less commas, but still somehow less simple sentences. Pretty much, what I write for school is grammatically perfect and pretty goddamn beautiful. I have an essay about notes written on hotel stationary that will make you forget what a bitch I am.

But this isn't school, the last book I finished was The Perks of Being a Wallflower like two months ago, and I still don't know how to use whom and who correctly (I recently mastered effect and affect. Hazzah!). Because of these factors, my writing is all over the place and probably doesn't make all that much sense.

I don't know how to transition to this next paragraph, so....

When people find out what my major is, they always ask "What's your favorite book?" and I'm sure they're expecting to hear a classic like Pride and Prejudice, or Moby Dick, or Pretentious Book Title Here. The truth is, though, I don't have a favorite book. I don't remember most of the books I've read because I read them so long ago, that I can't compare them to the book I read most recently. So usually when asked "What's your favorite book?" I think of the book I read most recently, and The Perk of Being a Wallflower isn't an acceptable title to come out of an English Major's mouth (And neither is one of the Harry Potter books, unfortunately...). Especially when she's nineteen years old, and that book is targeted toward freshmen in High School.

What I usually say is Nine Stories by JD Salinger because that's a fantastic collection of short stories, but now that I think about it I don't even know if that counts because it's only a book because it's in book form. It's not a novel, which is what people are looking for. I wonder if it's kind of like when you ask someone what their favorite food is and they say cherry lollipops.

Jumping around without proper transition again, I can't read books because like I've said eight-thousand times, I have a crippling short attention span. So few things are interesting to me that when I'm waiting to get my oil changed, I can't sit still unless I'm doing something like playing Pokemans, and even then I get bored of that, so I slump into my chair and think about how bored I am, probably sighing every two-or-so-minutes.

So expecting myself to look at a black-and-white page for hours and hours, when the story's not super-captivating because this particular story isn't about wizards is a lot to ask.

In an attempt to read more this summer, I checked out a ton of teenage summer romance novels from the library. I thought Teenagers get bored amazingly easy! These books have to be interesting! WRONG. Those books were stupid, boring, and badly written.
One of the books I checked out was about a peach orchard, and was cleverly named Peaches. It was about three girls, one of which was named Birdie, which should have immediately turned me away. These three girls were completely different, but through the power of peaches, they were able to become BEST FRIENDS WOW THAT'S SUCH A GOOD PLOTLINE. WOW.
I stopped reading at around page one-hundred, when one of the Mexican orchard workers got a car, and the slut main character girl was all "YOU GOT RIPPED OFF, THAT CAR'S NOT WORTH THREE-THOUSAND DOLLARS OR SOMETHING, BUT I'LL STILL RIDE IN IT WITH YOU BECAUSE I'M A SLUT AND THAT'S MY MAJOR CHARACTER FLAW, BESIDES STEALING." And I wanted to throw the book against the wall.


I'm hoping that when school starts again, I'll read something especially inspiring, and I'll stop writing about things that are stupid, like how I can't write about anything not stupid.



BAI.