This is some thing I wrote for Creative Writing, then put it on here. Wooooo! The directions were to write a scene about something that I find boring.
Pretty much anything that is required of me is boring. Homework? It’s awful, and everything on the internet is more interesting. Cleaning my bathroom? Why can’t there be more dancing and show tunes involved? Cooking for myself? That’s so uninteresting, I think I’ll just starve instead. I’d rather stare at my ceiling and find shapes in the little popcorn texture things. Who needs food when making it is boring?
When I have homework, reading something terrible for my lit class, for example, I put it off until I absolutely can’t put it off any longer because it’s midnight of the day it’s due. Because it’s so boring and awful and I hate it. Why do I care about this thing that someone wrote that I’m going to completely forget about a day later? The answer to that question is: I do not care. I just don’t.
Because I don’t care, this is what usually happens the night that I have to do homework:
7 PM
Me: I should probably start reading that thing….
The Internet: Guess what I have! Pictures of cats! :)
Me: Oh, man! I love cats!
9 PM
Me: Oh yea! I have homework! I really better get on that.
The Internet: Have you checked Memebase today?
Me: No, but I really should do this homework….
The Internet: But… there are funny things for you to look at.
Me: Funny things? I love funny things!
11 PM
Me: Alright. I need to read that boring thing now.
The Internet: lol why would you do that? Your facebook “friends” are doing and saying things you don’t actually care about! You need to read about that. Also! Tumblr is looking pretty good rite about meow.
Me: Oh, Internet! You always know what I should do.
1 AM
Me: Oh no! I’m tired and I still haven’t started reading…. I have to hurry up and do that before I go to bed!
The Internet: Youtube….
Me: There’s nothing that interesting on Youtube! I need to do my homework!
The Internet: Hey! Look what I found! A Wikipedia entry of that thing you were assigned! And I found Youtube!
Me: Wow, cool!
3 AM
Me: I need to read, forreal. That Wikipedia entry wasn’t good enough, I need to actually experience the reading for myself.
My Bed: I miss youuuuuu.
Me: Awww, okay.
This actually sums up how I handle anything that’s boring.
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Monday, February 13, 2012
Happy LOL You're Alone Day!
SURPRISE! THERE'S A SHIT TON OF PROFANITY IN THIS UP IN THIS BITCH.
Valentine's Day is tomorrow, and you know what that means! If you're in a relationship, you'll probably be receiving some generic stuffed animal and required "love making." If you're single, you'll probably be receiving some "Happy Valentine's Day!" texts from friends who don't know how to check your relationship status on your Facebook. And if you get drunk, you might wake up the next morning to "YOU'RE HIDEOUS AND NO ONE WILL EVER LOVE YOU," written on your bathroom mirror in red lipstick.
If you're alone (LOLLOLOLOL) like me, try to remember this: You're saving yourself at least $15 worth of candy, and at least five minutes worth of card writing time. That's a success, if I've ever seen one. And I have.
Here are some tips for getting through Valentine's Day as a single gal:
1. Don't give a fuck. That's what I do. Every day of my life.
2. Hang out with a single, female friend, go to the movies to see a romantic comedy, and scream "THIS MOVIE IS FEEDING YOU LIIEEESSSSSSS!" Also, don't give a fuck.
3. Get drunk. But not too drunk. See the first paragraph of this post.
4. Tell yourself that Valentine's Day is a "fake holiday made up by the greeting card and candy companies."
5. Fly a kite (I don't know. I'm just hoping it'll be windy tomorrow. I like kites).
6. Cake your face with makeup, sit in the tub with the water running, and cry your face off. Still, though, don't give a fuck.
7. Remember how much money you're saving. At least a dollar, probably. That's a lot. We're in a recession, people.
8. Write terrible poetry on your bedroom walls in crayon. Or your own blood. Whatever works for you.
9. If you see anyone holding any flowers, at all, rip them from that person's hands and stomp on them. If you can't be happy, NO ONE CAN.
10. Give yourself a manicure. Your cuticles have been looking terrible lately. How are you supposed to get a date with hands like that? No wonder you're single.
These tips should help you out a lot. Even if you're a guy, you can probably use them. Especially the kite-flying one. And instead of caking your face with makeup, just put a lot of product in your hair, and cry in the shower.
You're welcome!
Valentine's Day is tomorrow, and you know what that means! If you're in a relationship, you'll probably be receiving some generic stuffed animal and required "love making." If you're single, you'll probably be receiving some "Happy Valentine's Day!" texts from friends who don't know how to check your relationship status on your Facebook. And if you get drunk, you might wake up the next morning to "YOU'RE HIDEOUS AND NO ONE WILL EVER LOVE YOU," written on your bathroom mirror in red lipstick.
If you're alone (LOLLOLOLOL) like me, try to remember this: You're saving yourself at least $15 worth of candy, and at least five minutes worth of card writing time. That's a success, if I've ever seen one. And I have.
Here are some tips for getting through Valentine's Day as a single gal:
1. Don't give a fuck. That's what I do. Every day of my life.
2. Hang out with a single, female friend, go to the movies to see a romantic comedy, and scream "THIS MOVIE IS FEEDING YOU LIIEEESSSSSSS!" Also, don't give a fuck.
3. Get drunk. But not too drunk. See the first paragraph of this post.
4. Tell yourself that Valentine's Day is a "fake holiday made up by the greeting card and candy companies."
5. Fly a kite (I don't know. I'm just hoping it'll be windy tomorrow. I like kites).
6. Cake your face with makeup, sit in the tub with the water running, and cry your face off. Still, though, don't give a fuck.
7. Remember how much money you're saving. At least a dollar, probably. That's a lot. We're in a recession, people.
8. Write terrible poetry on your bedroom walls in crayon. Or your own blood. Whatever works for you.
9. If you see anyone holding any flowers, at all, rip them from that person's hands and stomp on them. If you can't be happy, NO ONE CAN.
10. Give yourself a manicure. Your cuticles have been looking terrible lately. How are you supposed to get a date with hands like that? No wonder you're single.
These tips should help you out a lot. Even if you're a guy, you can probably use them. Especially the kite-flying one. And instead of caking your face with makeup, just put a lot of product in your hair, and cry in the shower.
You're welcome!
Sunday, January 1, 2012
Hurpy Ner Yur!
Happy New Year's, everybody!
I feel like this is really going to be my year, and I mean that in the most cliché way possible. The reason for this is that I'm going to get all my resolutions DOWN. I'm going to be the most accomplished girl in my entire bedroom.
Here is my list, in no particular order:
1. Eat food every day, on at least two separate occasions.
2. Remember how to spell"occassions" "ocassions" "occasions."
3. Wake up on December 22nd.
4. Exercise for at least two minutes a day.
5. Stop consuming so much caffeine.
6. Use relative terms to your own advantage more often.
7. Read some books, sometimes.
8. Be less of a bitch.
9. Stop cursing so goddamn much.
10. Write at least five posts for this blog.
I'm already doing pretty well on a few of these, so I can really see myself sticking with them.
I've never made any new year's resolutions, ever, so I feel kind of crazy starting out with such difficult goals. I believe in myself, though.
The energy I get from consuming food should cancel out the energy I lose from not consuming as much caffeine as I'm used to, so I should still be able to focus on not telling people to shut the fuck up while I read a book and run on the tread mill.
So 2012 is going to be my year. I guess it can be your year, too, but you'll have to pry it from my cold, dead hands. And good luck doing that because I'm going to be so fit and positive and alive on December 22nd, that you might as well not even try. There will only be ten days left in the year, so what is the point, really?
I'd work on sharing more, but there's just not room on my list. I wanted to keep it simple at ten items, and all the others are so important. So, yea. Sorry.
I feel like this is really going to be my year, and I mean that in the most cliché way possible. The reason for this is that I'm going to get all my resolutions DOWN. I'm going to be the most accomplished girl in my entire bedroom.
Here is my list, in no particular order:
1. Eat food every day, on at least two separate occasions.
2. Remember how to spell
3. Wake up on December 22nd.
4. Exercise for at least two minutes a day.
5. Stop consuming so much caffeine.
6. Use relative terms to your own advantage more often.
7. Read some books, sometimes.
8. Be less of a bitch.
9. Stop cursing so goddamn much.
10. Write at least five posts for this blog.
I'm already doing pretty well on a few of these, so I can really see myself sticking with them.
I've never made any new year's resolutions, ever, so I feel kind of crazy starting out with such difficult goals. I believe in myself, though.
The energy I get from consuming food should cancel out the energy I lose from not consuming as much caffeine as I'm used to, so I should still be able to focus on not telling people to shut the fuck up while I read a book and run on the tread mill.
So 2012 is going to be my year. I guess it can be your year, too, but you'll have to pry it from my cold, dead hands. And good luck doing that because I'm going to be so fit and positive and alive on December 22nd, that you might as well not even try. There will only be ten days left in the year, so what is the point, really?
I'd work on sharing more, but there's just not room on my list. I wanted to keep it simple at ten items, and all the others are so important. So, yea. Sorry.
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