Hi there.

My last post was made over seven years ago, as you will see below. I'm not sure exactly why I stopped (probably combination of regular stress, school stress, social stress, everything I write must be perfect and hilarious stress) or why I'm writing this now. I don't know anything, frankly. 

Anyway. 

Despite not writing for years, the blog remained bookmarked at the top of the browser, along with my work email, The Sims Medieval tips, a recipe for bacon and eggs savory cupcakes (which I have never made??), a Buzzfeed article on "31 insanely easy and clever DIY projects" (of which I've never made any??), and a dead link I'd named "Blog with patterns n stuff." Are there people out there who delete bookmarks when they're done with them? People who don't have to scroll alllllllll the way to the bottom to find pages relevant to their present-day lives? I wish I could be like that but I have trouble letting go of things like... insurance information from my employer's Open Enrollment period five years ago. What if I need it one day? What if I want to compare it to this year's insurance or maybe print it out for paper crafts?

Earlier I said I don't know why I'm writing now, which isn't quite true. Recently I listened to Samantha Irby's most recent book of essays, WOW, NO THANK YOU on Audible, delightfully read by the author. She is funny in the way I want to be funny! I was reminded of my sporadically updated blog (THIS ONE), dreaming of becoming successful for writing funny things about my boring life and my lower-middle (middle-middle???) -class upbringing. (Though, honestly, Irby can write more freely than I'd feel comfortable doing because both her parents are dead.) As I usually do with books I like I suggested the book to my sister Ashley, who let me know she'd been reading Irby's blog BITCHES GOTTA EAT for some time. So I read that during my night time outside time with my dog, rather than going on my usual Reddit doomscroll. (Unfortunately I've fallen back into the doomscroll as a result of some... things happening in the world.)

But that's not all! Allie Brosh's much anticipated, long awaited second book Solutions and Other Problems came out last month and boy is it a funny, heartbreaking piece of ART. She inspired me to create this blog originally. I wanted to be her! I even made some bad drawings, some with my mouse and some with the Wacom tablet I convinced myself I'd use, despite rarely drawing with a regular ol' ink pen or pencil (which is much easier for my brain to understand than drawing on a BLANK SURFACE and seeing it appear on a COMPUTER SCREEN. Where is where?!). 

Brosh addresses depression, uncertainty, general sadness, having weird thoughts, loss, beginnings, childhood. So many things. I can't list them all so you'll have to see for yourself. She's also been posting photo albums on Facebook, as sort of companions to her book, to fill in the seven-year gap during which time she was missing from the internet. The context it gives her book makes me want to reread it, despite just finishing it a few days ago. 

So how did this all inspire me to get back here? Hm. I think I'm feeling... freer to post insignificant things without the pressure to impress anyone. And maybe I have some things I want to shout into the nether that is the internet. I keep a journal, but this is different. This is the illusion of talking to someone. Is that sad? Maybe! But who cares? Internet is HUGE. And being sad is okay. And maybe someone else out there will find comfort in something I write, no matter how insignificant it may feel to me. 

I just have a lot of thoughts and would like to get them out. Or not.

Goodbye.