If you have limited knowledge on a subject, do not let that stop you from correcting anyone who says anything about that subject. You are an expert, with your very limited experience. Make sure everyone knows that.
If someone else has knowledge on an obscure topic, such as the mating rituals of the flamingo, question how they acquired such knowledge. Look down on their understanding of such a topic, and do your best to make them feel badly about it. Furrowing your brow and frowning works well, as it often causes said person to question themselves and makes you, the genius, look so much smarter and much more beautiful. Later, when you are home alone, basking in your own brilliance, find as much information as you can on the mating rituals of the flamingo. No way is that commoner showing you up again.
Smart phones are extremely useful nowadays for finding information. If some peon thinks they know more than you about anything, prove them wrong. When they’re busy drooling and trying to remember how to blink, whip out your fancy iPhone right there and use that Google app, which was created just for you, you super smart, magical human. “Do flamingos really start breeding when they are five years old?” Haha, NO! It’s when they’re six years old!! Say this loud enough so that bumbling idiot can hear you over the sound of their own heavy breathing, and with a tone that says I totally already knew this, but I waited to say it so you’d feel good about yourself for once in your life.
If ever another person makes a generalized statement, such as “I think that, by now, all American adults know where cow’s milk comes from,” disagree with them. “Actually,” you’ll say, “A lot of adults living in America don’t know where cow’s milk comes from. You would be surprised.”* When the peasant looks confused, smile and tilt your head to the side, so they can actually see your amazing intelligence seeping out of the glorious pores that have the privilege of making up your face.
Has someone done something creative, like recreate a battle from The Civil War, in 3D, using just an old hardcover book and an X-Acto knife? Roll your eyes and ask this artist “How do you have time for that?” Then, sneering, go back to reading that article on how flamingos do it.
Did someone just make a joke you don’t understand? NOT FUNNY. Make sure they are aware of this. Narrowing your eyes and shaking your head does wonders.
When in class, speak up as much as possible, even if what you have to say is not related to the discussion. It can be your person opinion on Starbucks' blonde roast, what your genius cat did that morning, how often you change your Egyptian cotton sheets, the A+ you received in high school algebra, the fact that you read Life of Pi before the movie came out (and you thought it was totally unrealistic, but you get the metaphors), anything. Everyone wants to hear you speak, all the time, always. Everything you say has true value.
Playing a video game and losing? Turn the system off! If the Wii doesn't remember you lost at Mario Kart, no dumb humans will, either.
Remember: You are super fantastic and amazing! Everyone loves you and can find no fault in anything you do! You are the really big, expensive Christmas gift to the world, and everyone else is just those shitty gas station chocolates that parents put in their kids' stockings to make it look fuller.
*Even if you do not know, per se, that a lot of people living in America don’t know where cow’s milk comes from, you should still say this. Most likely you’re right, because you are always right.
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