"I'm going to kill you."

Since the first time I took a standardized test I knew that when one person coughs in a quiet room, everyone does.

When that first person coughs, who is genuinely in possession of an irritated throat, almost every other person in the room realizes that Wow, my throat is also full of phlegm. HACKHACKHACKRRRGRGRGRRRGGGRLLLLLLL SNIFF SNIFF SNIFF.
The number of people whose throats are clogged gradually increases every five or so seconds.

At first its just one person. Then it's three. Then it's six. Then it's ten. Then it's twenty. Then it's sixty.

And then I want everyone to die.


I don't know why this happens. I also don't know if it has an official name, so I will just call it "Why Are You Doing That? Please Stop Living."


This phenomenon is seriously distracting. Chemistry is already incredibly boring, so how am I supposed to pay attention when there are seventy people in the room "HACKHACKHACKBLLLARGHRRGRGG"ing every two seconds? How am I supposed to not cry loudly in protest?

I'll tell you how I'm supposed to not do that!

Well, I'm not supposed to pay attention.

I'll tell you how I'm supposed to distract myself from sobbing into my notebook!
By drawing pictures like this:

 

Yes, I drew that.
With my own hands.
Can you believe it?

Probably not.

And yes, I am the only one in my class with hair.


Anyway, I also distract myself by fantasizing about tossing hundreds of cough drops into the air in all directions, in hopes they will fall into those terrible people's open mouths, asphyxiating at least all of them.


If this sounds violent and hateful to you, you've obviously never experienced Why Are You Doing That? Please Stop Living. You are welcome to attend my chemistry class any Tuesday or Thursday. Perhaps we can share tips on holding back tears of both rage and despair. Perhaps we can take turns whispering "I'm going to kill you," to the people nearest to us who are participating in this horrible event.

Perhaps we can leave early and get some tea.