"I'm going to kill you."

Since the first time I took a standardized test I knew that when one person coughs in a quiet room, everyone does.

When that first person coughs, who is genuinely in possession of an irritated throat, almost every other person in the room realizes that Wow, my throat is also full of phlegm. HACKHACKHACKRRRGRGRGRRRGGGRLLLLLLL SNIFF SNIFF SNIFF.
The number of people whose throats are clogged gradually increases every five or so seconds.

At first its just one person. Then it's three. Then it's six. Then it's ten. Then it's twenty. Then it's sixty.

And then I want everyone to die.


I don't know why this happens. I also don't know if it has an official name, so I will just call it "Why Are You Doing That? Please Stop Living."


This phenomenon is seriously distracting. Chemistry is already incredibly boring, so how am I supposed to pay attention when there are seventy people in the room "HACKHACKHACKBLLLARGHRRGRGG"ing every two seconds? How am I supposed to not cry loudly in protest?

I'll tell you how I'm supposed to not do that!

Well, I'm not supposed to pay attention.

I'll tell you how I'm supposed to distract myself from sobbing into my notebook!
By drawing pictures like this:

 

Yes, I drew that.
With my own hands.
Can you believe it?

Probably not.

And yes, I am the only one in my class with hair.


Anyway, I also distract myself by fantasizing about tossing hundreds of cough drops into the air in all directions, in hopes they will fall into those terrible people's open mouths, asphyxiating at least all of them.


If this sounds violent and hateful to you, you've obviously never experienced Why Are You Doing That? Please Stop Living. You are welcome to attend my chemistry class any Tuesday or Thursday. Perhaps we can share tips on holding back tears of both rage and despair. Perhaps we can take turns whispering "I'm going to kill you," to the people nearest to us who are participating in this horrible event.

Perhaps we can leave early and get some tea.

Whaaaaaat

Remember when I said I'd have more things to write about when school started?

Well, I was wrong!

Everything's as boring as usual!

My days now consist of waking up at around 11 AM, getting to the bus stop by 11:30, going to class for an hour and fifteen minutes, maybe stopping by The Florida Review to do stuff, then riding the bus back to my apartment. I then sit in my apartment, maybe I clean sometimes, maybe I occasionally open a textbook or do some homework, but most of my time is spent avoiding things I have to do.

But! I don't do things that would prevent me from maybe doing the things I need to do, if I did feel like doing them.
For example, I don't like to read books when I have homework to do because it would be difficult for me to put down the great book and do homework, but it would be easy for me to stop looking at memebase and do homework. If I wanted to.

I never want to, though.

If that doesn't make sense to you, it's probably because you're not hugely lazy and weird like me.
Congratulations!

Anywho, I dislike responsibility! And deadlines!


When I have more than four assignments due a week, I get nervous and stressed out.
I'll have to spend at least five hours doing school work in only one week, and that is too much! How will I live? How will I find time to sit around, procrastinating? What will my sims do without me? What if there's a re-run of How I Met Your Mother on TV that I haven't seen yet? Will this work over-load KILL ME?

I unintentionally devote most of my time to worrying about how I will get the assignments done, rather than spending that time actually doing them. This results in last-minute online quiz-taking, and very little, to no (most often no) studying. 


In fact, I have an exam tomorrow in Communications1000 (I have no idea if that's what it's actually called) and I've read, maybe, one out of the four chapters I will be tested on. I am positive that I will spend the night frantically speed-reading in hopes that I will absorb enough information to not fail. There will be tears, harsh words will be said to the textbook ("Oh REALLY, textbook? Because I don't CARE ABOUT THAT. I hate you!"), and things will probably be thrown. The night will end with me declaring "I'm not going to remember what I read when I'm tired anyway, so I might as well go to sleep," and then I will spend three hours watching television. 


Also! I have a midterm exam in Chemistry in early October that I should absolutely be studying for already, but chemistry is stupid and I hate it.

The end!



By the way, the title of this post has nothing to do with the post itself. Hurray!
(Other than Whaaaaaat is up with the spacing in this post? I don't even)

Unemployed Again

Remember when I said I had a job?
Well, I don't anymore.


That was a temporary job, and really only for the textbook season at the bookstore at school ("Textbook season" is about three weeks. During orientation, the training lady made it seem like even the temps would be staying until mid-October. I definitely would have applied to places already if I knew it would last for 1/3 the amount of time I had planned). I could have been hired as a seasonal employee, but I wasn't. Why? Well, I don't know because the email that let me know I would no longer be working for them was like "Don't ask why you were not hired as a seasonal employee." Which is super awesome. I love not knowing how or why I failed.

The way I found out I no longer have a job is pretty awesome too.

The weekly schedule is sent out every Wednesday, and this Wednesday's email said that if you're not on the schedule, with or without a shift, you are not being considered for a seasonal position.

I was not on the schedule.

The email said that maybe the reason people weren't hired is that their availability isn't what the bookstore needed, but that's not good enough for me. Especially since I'm not even allowed to ask.

It does kind of make sense to me, though. They hire about thirty temporary employees, and keep maybe five or ten of those. They don't want twenty or twenty-five people coming to the store and bothering them about why they were essentially fired, and honestly the managers probably wouldn't even recognize those people.

But at least a personalized email would have been nice. Not just a mass "Look fer ur name! If it's not there, we dont want u lol."

It made me feel like a not-person.

And the dumbest part of this all is that I was scheduled for today. I was supposed to work four and a half hours, after I learned that I am unwanted.

It's like if your boyfriend dumped you right before a movie and said "Don't even ask why. You knew I was seeing other people and that I probably wasn't looking for commitment," then asked you to stay and keep him company during the movie.

And you really wanted to see that movie, so you stayed, but you didn't put effort into talking to him or giving a shit.

The movie is money, and the not giving a shit and not putting in effort are the same in both situations.



I went to work because I want money, and also because I was just raised to be considerate and generally do what is asked of me.
I didn't put in effort, though.
I was pretty slow, and when people were rude to me I was like "K?" because what were they going to do? Complain and get me fired. LOLAIGHT.

It really just doesn't make much sense to me that they let me know I wasn't going to be employed there anymore, but expected me to work and be good at it.



ANYYWAAAY.

This middle-aged lady tried to buy a textbook with her husband's credit/debit card. You can't use someone else's card when they're not there, because how the hell do I really know you're his wife? Or maybe you are his wife, but he never said you could use it.
So no.

(SIDE NOTE. Someone's roommate used their card to buy $1000-ish worth of textbooks from the bookstore at school, so he could sell them to buy drugs. Forril.  The druggy even had the guy's ID, but apparently they didn't even look alike. The guy whose card got stolen came in and complained and the bookstore was like "OH SORRY.")


I told the lady that she could use the ATM outside, if she knew his pin, and get cash to pay for the book because whatever they do outside the store has nothing to do with us.


Lady: NO! I'm not going to pay $5 to use the ATM!

Me: Yea, that is annoying that it costs so much.
 [Actually I think it's $3, but whatevss]



Lady: Well I have a test tomorrow.

Me: I'm sorry, I can't let you use it unless he's here.

Lady: The OTHER bookstore let me use his card.

Me: They're not supposed to....

Lady: Fine. I'll just fail my test then!

Me: Sorry...

Lady: [Stomps off because she's a dumb brat who would apparently rather fail a test than spend $5 to use an ATM] You just lost a $200 sale!

Me: I don't care...


She didn't hear that last part because she had already stomped out of earshot.
I wouldn't have cared if she did, though.
It would have been awesome if I got reprimanded by a manager, so I could say "Fire me, then."


Other than being generally slow, wandering around sometimes, and just not giving much of a shit, I was a good employee. My drawer was off by one cent, and I'm pretty sure that's just because some fell on the floor when I was trying to get them out of the roll.

I cleaned up, asked if there was anything else to do, and got my bag checked before I left.

And I didn't even tell that fat, rude cashier that she's fat, rude, and shouldn't be wearing capris because they highlight her cankles.

THE POINT: I'm a pretty awesome employee, so whoever made the decision can go punch themselves in the butt.

THE END.