How To Work Everywhere

Or at least make people think you work everywhere.

All you have to do is wear the uniform. Kind of.

When it comes to a drug store, really any type of semi-dressy clothes will work. Black pants and a button-down shirt of any kind will make most customers think you're an employee. You can be texting on your cell phone, carrying a purse on your shoulder, and a customer will still approach you to ask where the toilet paper is. Then when you reply with "I don't even work here..." they will look taken aback, as if they believe you are lying. When you go back to looking at your phone, the customer will scoff at you and walk away. How dare you not know where the toilet paper is, fake employee!

For Target, any khaki bottoms and red top will do. Even if the bottoms are shorts, and the top is a hoodie. A customer will almost always tap you on the shoulder and ask why this dish detergent is on sale, but this other dish detergent is not. When you tell this customer that you do not know, and they ask WHY, you will respond with "Probably because I don't work here. I don't even have a name tag." Looking a bit embarrassed, but still mostly rude, the customer will inform you that she wasn't sure if you guys  had to wear name tags or not. You guys.
No, customers are not required to wear name tags.

Practically any restaurant is the same as a drug store. Black pants and a button-down top will usually suffice. If you don't have a name tag, or an apron, and you're not carrying a tray, that's alright. It's not like restaurant employees do any of that ever. If you walk by a table on your way to the restroom, you may very well be waved over to a table by fellow guests. Reluctantly, you will go over to them, where you will be asked for a straw. "I don't work here," you'll say. "Oh, well... you look like you do," the guest will reply. "K bye," you'll say as you walk away from the table full of idiots, cursing their mothers for raising such ignorant little creatures.


And that is how to accidentally trick people into believing you work anywhere, and a few scenarios you may encounter when it happens.